A few things on my mind

Archive for December 2017

I have been quiet. In all fairness a lot of things have taken place in my life, some great others not so much. But still processing so not going to talk about them now. And they involve other people and not so sure how they would react to my sharing.

My son is five – I know, time flies hey. But he is five, over the five years, I have been told that our relationship is slightly concerning. I have written about him being my little man, I admittedly now can say, I did not know how deep that statement was. I am however blessed with a very close friend that keeps cautioning me about my son and I’s relationship, saying it borders on incest.

I am categorically stating that I don’t initiate the things that she has referenced as proof, but I will also not sit here and deny that I don’t entertain them. He is five, with very limited exposure, so all the things done are in a display of affection for his mom. To those older and with more experience, it could be concerning.  Not even going to tell you half the shit he does, you will call child services on me.

While her berating me always leaves in laughter, now that he is five, I do have to admit that I have been a bit concerned about how he displays his affection for me. I, therefore, asked a few mothers – with boy children, if this is something they have experienced, and I was told that this is normal. In fact, they found him pretty mild, they had disturbing stories to tell.

With my concerns put at ease, I can now assess his affection with less concern in my eyes.  This is what I know, I am his mother and he loves me. But let me also tell you that this is not just a ‘perve’ form of affection. I am his superhero. True story, he once told me that had a dream in which he was battling a bunch of ninjas in downtown Joburg and he was losing this battle. Things only turned around for him when I arrived, sword in hand and kicked some ass and we won.

He took his afternoon nap today and woke up to tell me that he had another dream but wasn’t scared in this dream because I was there. Makes sense, remember I am the chick that fucked up a bunch of ninjas in downtown Joburg.  When relaying his dream, he says he did not see my face, just my superhero boots and that is why he wasn’t scared. For the record, I don’t have superhero boots….well none that I know off.

Now that I know that I am a superhero, I want to say something to you, agree with me or not – it is really up to you. A guy who says to you he doesn’t get well with his mother is either saying so to impress you or has issues – big issues, deep dark emotional issues that you are going to pay for in some form or another.

It is also fair for you to say that I have not taken my year off talking shit to study the male psychology, but I am willing to put my head on the block for the above statement.

Just to let you know, I have heard many women complain about their partner’s mothers and their relationship. Either the guy is a “mommy’s boy” or the mother is a complete overbearing bitch. Firstly, about the “overbearing mother-in-law”, I have to say my mine was a sweetheart. Hence I could never meaningfully engage in the mother-in-law bashing. However, now that I have explained my son and I’s relationship, I get how one could be perceived as overbearing.

I think overbearing is too strong a word. Think about it, she gave him life, she is his first love, lover and long-time partner, confidant, best friend…dude need I say more. But I will tell you for free that she knows him better than you ever will, how can she not. And this relationship is not one-sided. He is besotted with her,  how can he not be. He has spent his whole life with her, and he has many times told her he loves her, maybe in not so many words, but he has definitely shown her, and actions speak louder than words. What you are, is the bitch coming between them.

In saying this, I can see how you could raise your brows at me and others that have given birth to boys. I just have one thing to say to you, give birth to one and we will talk then. For example, at this point I know that I will select the woman my son is going to be with, what her wedding dress is going to look like – I have his/their lives all planned out and it is going to be great.

But also, I am not saying you should go marry the guy who goes home to mommy to breastfeed every second day, that could also be a bit problematic for you.

All I am saying is and speaking on behalf of all the freaking moo cow mothers-in-laws out there, is that I have superhero boots. I am unsure what that means for you and your relationship with him. But I will tell you this for free, if he tells you that he doesn’t love his mother and they don’t speak regularly and their relationship doesn’t leave you slightly uncomfortable…run girl, run.

With that said, I am also not sure how you manage me and the many like me out there. I did say mine was five when he starts liking girls and I have to deal with them, I promise I will holla.  Until then, I repeat, stay away from the non-mother likers.

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